February 14, 2021

Why Being Single Is Amazing

     This post is for those of you who are bummed about being single.  I was in those shoes once, before I realized how awesome being independent can be. Now, I've been choosing not to date (no Tinder - nothing!) for about seven years, and I'm happier than ever. (Yes, I will probably date in the future when I feel the time is right. I have other priorities for now... but that's a discussion for another day.)

     Being single is viewed as a negative thing far too often. Being in a relationship seems to be the default. When I mention how long I've been single, people look concerned, and start to say something along the lines of "Aw, I'm sure you'll find someone!" before I shut that down and remind them that I choose to be solo. I actually think it's a great thing, and I'm proud of it.

     I don't mean to say that being single is better than being in a relationship. I know people will react to some of these things with "Yeah but... *benefit of being in a relationship*". Of course there are great things about being in a relationship, and I understand that people don't mind making compromises when they're in love - but my intention is to highlight the ways being single can be really amazing too. It is certainly not something anyone should feel bad about!

     Treat yourself to your favorite snack (or favorite wine, or a bubble bath) and read on to find out why I think you should be happy to be single this Valentine's day, and every day!

No boyfriend/girlfriend, no problem -

     I put this one first to get it out of the way. I want it to be clear that I don't think anybody should avoid dating for this reason. However, it is a nice perk.

     If you're single, it is pleasant that: There is a 0% chance you're wasting your precious time with the wrong person. You don't have to answer to anyone or be concerned about a significant other's opinion of anything. Your day or night will never be ruined by a fight with them. You don't have to worry if your partner is lying to you, and you are definitely not being cheated on. You don't have to deal with anyone else's baggage. If you're not dating, you don't waste time on any bad dates or talking to anyone you're not interested in.

     Now, for some more positive reasons...

You get all the personal space you want -

*I'm aware that some of you have family at home or other obligations. I didn't want to keep repeating that - so note that throughout this post, what I really mean is that you don't have to worry about a partner in addition to your families, pets, and careers (although careers can be changed!).*

     You get all the time you need to clear your mind. (Most successful people recognize the importance of making time for this.) You don't have to worry about another person draining your energy.

     You don't have to talk to anyone when you wake up, when you get home from a rough day at work, when you're cranky, or when you just want it to be quiet. If your vibe is off, you have the space to fix it and nobody has to know about it (or be affected by it).

You have more time to focus on yourself -

     It can be easy to neglect self care and personal goals when we have a lot going on. If you're not seeing anyone, you have more time available to focus on your well-being and the things you want to accomplish.

     You can spend more time on improving your fitness, finances, living situation, career, creative projects, habits, and anything else. It's also easier to focus when you're not worrying about, daydreaming about, or texting somebody. You can put that energy toward your goals or your passions instead. If you don't have your own life together (whatever that means to you) then you should be particularly happy to have some time to sort things out before sharing your life with somebody else. Do whatever you need to do to love yourself first. Not to mention, if you take the time to work on yourself, you're more likely to attract a more desireable partner.

You get to know yourself better -

     So many people don't get to spend enough time alone. When I was younger, I thought being alone was lame, but now I love my alone time.

     With your mind able to run free more of the time, you get to know yourself better. When you're not constantly influenced by another person, you're in the best place to be fully YOU. It's easier to stay true to yourself when you make all of your decisions without considering a partner's opinion. You have more time to come up with your own ideas and become interested in things that you might not have if you were constantly with another person. Of course, a significant other can inspire you in various ways too, but I think it's really cool to learn about your truest self without anyone's influence. You can learn what you truly want out of life and you know you're not being swayed.

You can do anything you want -

     You get to do anything you want without having to compromise. When there are parties or other events, you decide if you're going to go, what you'll do there, and how long you'll stay. You can make any plans you want, and say yes or no to anything without talking to another person first.

     You can spend your day freely jumping between activities you love without explaining anything to anyone. You can listen to any music at any time or watch anything you want on TV. Nobody will judge you for your guilty pleasures. You can buy anything you want (if you determine it's in your budget). You can read more. You can take up (and master) all sorts of new hobbies. You can eat whatever you want, whenever you want, without caring if anyone else is hungry or what their preferences are. Nobody eats your food.

     You don't have to think of anyone else when it comes to bigger life choices. You can pursue any idea you have without discussing it with anyone. You can take up on any opportunity that comes your way. You can move across the country or off the continent at any time. You can have the exact pets you desire, no compromises.

     You have more time available to spend with your family and friends. You don't have to go places you don't want to go (not suggesting your in-laws might not be your favorite people or your spouse's work event isn't exciting...). You never have to miss out on something because of an obligation you have with your significant other. You don't have to split holidays between families.

You don't have to impress anyone -

     Men - skip this paragraph so you still think I'm hot. (Just kidding.) You don't need to shave nearly as often (if you don't want to). You can choose your clothes and underwear based on comfort. If you're bloated, nobody will know and you don't have to suck it in. When you're feeling less attractive for any reason, nobody sees you. Of course your significant other should love you no matter what, but most people don't want to look too awful in front of them... and if I remember correctly, caring about being sexy can be exhausting.

You get to live in your own personalized world -

     This applies to those of you who live alone (but if you can't currently afford that, at least you have more time to work on increasing your income and saving money!). You choose where to live. You set your home up perfectly (functionally and aesthetically) to suit your own personal wants and needs. Everything is always exactly as you left it. You don't have your partner's belongings taking up space. Your kitchen is stocked only with foods you like. You don't ask anyone before turning the heat or AC on or off.

     You make all the rules. Whatever you are particular about, nobody messes up for you; whatever you aren't, nobody complains about.

     You can take up the whole bed. You get all the pillows (if you feel so inclined) and the whole blanket. You're never woken up by another person's snoring, their alarm, their elbow, or because they have to pee. There's never any pressure to go to bed or get out of bed at a certain time.

Independence is empowering -

     I think it's great to be able to enjoy your own company, and to be able to be alone without feeling lonely. When you're single and thriving (if you're not thriving, then I'd recommend working on that before you worry about dating - check out my other posts) you know you're not relying on another person for your happiness, money, housing, or anything else. When I was a teenager, I felt like a loser for being single. Now I feel on top of the world.

     I mentioned this before, though I hardly wanted to include this at all since this post is about being single, but I do believe that taking time to focus on yourself will put you in a better place for dating in the future. You'll know yourself better and be your truest self. You can bring the best version of yourself to the table, and you'll be more likely to find a partner who aligns with your vision for your best future.

     My fellow amazing single people, please remember that you are not a half waiting to find your other half. You are whole as you are. If you feel incomplete, figure out why and work through it. Get to know yourself better and follow your passions. Use the extra time to become your best self and learn to love yourself. I'm not saying not to date, but just be sure you're not putting all your energy toward looking for a partner if you need to be looking inward. Remember the importance of your relationship with yourself. Much love.