Self-Talk to Build Your Best Life: 9 Tips

      If you missed my posts about how your thoughts have created your reality, and how you can rewire your mind to change your life, check them out.  You should now understand that, whether you're aware of it or not, the way you talk to yourself determines what you experience in life.  No matter what area of your life you'd like to improve, you can work on changing it by changing your self-talk.

     Here are some tips to help you make the most of your self talk (and your life):


1.   Use affirmations.  Affirmations are statements that, when repeated often, train your brain to move you toward your goals.  (No, this is not a bunch of BS or a waste of time.  This actually works.  There's science behind it.)

     For whatever it is in your life that you'd like to improve, come up with an affirmation to help you get there.  You can start with focusing on one thing, or create multiple affirmations that correspond to different goals.  Keep the following tips in mind when forming your affirmations.


2.   Use the present tense.  This tells the subconscious mind what is happening right now.

     You don't want to say "I'm going to __" or "I will __."  Using the future tense tells the subconscious mind that you're not currently doing it; you'll do it another time.  It doesn't move you.


3.   Affirmations should be easy to remember.  Keep them as short as possible.  Anything that has a rhyme or rhythm to it, or just rolls off the tongue, would be great.  You want them to easily pop into mind when you need them.


4.   Avoid saying "I have to __," "I should __," or "I must __."  Not only do these not move you (as said in tip #2), but they imply you're coming from a place of guilt or pressure, or that you're not in control.  This will kill your energy and hinder you.  Whatever it is you have to do, remember that you GET to do these things. You're lucky to be alive and able to.  You're choosing to do them because you want to improve your life.


5.   Speak in the positive, avoiding negative words:  If you say "I'm not lazy," the subconscious mind forms an image of laziness.  If you say "I don't procrastinate," the mind sees procrastination.  Tell yourself what you do want:  "I am productive" gives an image of productivity.  "I am strong" gives an image of strength.  You want to form mental images of your goals achieved.

     Wire your brain with the things you want, not with the things you don't want.


6.   Use "I am."  These are widely regarded as the most powerful words you can say.  The subconscious mind will get to work to make these statements true.

7.   Avoid phrasing that sounds way too far-fetched.  If "I am in good shape" feels unrealistic, try something like "I am getting stronger" or  "I exercise regularly."  If "I am successful" feels like a complete lie, you can try "I am making progress" or "I am taking the right steps."  As you improve, you can "upgrade" your affirmations.

8.   Review your affirmations often.  Aim for at least daily.  Reading them or just saying them in your head is great.  Saying them out loud or writing them down is even better.  You can use reminders on your phone, sticky notes around your house, or any method you can think of to remind yourself to repeat your affirmations frequently.  They will soon become your automatic thoughts, and you'll be on your way to reaching your goals.


9.   When you have a thought that works against you, stop yourself, and redirect your thoughts.  If you catch yourself thinking "I'm messy," you can replace it with "I am working toward keeping a cleaner home."  If you catch yourself thinking you're lazy, you can tell yourself "I get things done."

     Review these tips as needed, or to dive deeper into self-talk, check out Shad Helmstetter's What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.  (As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)

Suggested:  Mindset for Success (13 Beliefs/Thought Patterns),

The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz: Review & 10 Quotes

Rewire Your Mind: How to Change Your Thoughts (and Improve Your Life)

     If you haven't seen my previous post - about how your beliefs have been wired into your brain to create the life you live today - check it out here.

    You should now understand how every aspect of your life has been affected by your beliefs.  If there are any areas of your life that you'd like to improve, you need to change the way you think about them.  First, you need to stop telling yourself your old stories.

     Remember this: The things you frequently say to yourself become directions to the subconscious mind.  As discussed in my previous post, the subconscious mind will go to work for you to make those things true. Stop giving it instructions like:

     "I'm not good enough to do that."
     "Today is going to suck."
     "I'm lazy."
     "I could never afford that."
     "I'm unorganized."
     "This is how it has to be."

     Your self talk goes on constantly, whether you pay attention to it or not.  Begin to monitor everything you say to yourself.  You'll start to notice things you've been telling yourself that have been working against you.  It can be quite eye opening to realize just how much you've been holding yourself back.

    The key to reprogramming your mind for success is to replace your old, damaging self-talk with new self-talk that will work in your favor.  When you catch yourself having a thought that works against you, immediately stop yourself and shift your thinking.  Come up with a statement to redirect each of your limiting beliefs, and say it to yourself every time one of those beliefs comes up.  Keep at this, and it'll become a habit.

     For example: If you catch yourself saying "I'm out of shape," stop yourself.  Replace it with something like "I'm in good shape."  You don't want to say anything that feels too unrealistic, so if you need to, take it down a notch - in this example, perhaps you'd try "I'm getting healthier."  We'll go over more examples for improving different areas of your life in future posts.

     Changing your self-talk will feel strange at first.  Remember, you interpret everything based on your current beliefs.  Your old self will try to talk you out of it, or make you feel stupid for it, or tell you that it won't work.  Ignore it.

     Take this seriously even if it seems silly.  Don't be put off by the simplicity of it.  This isn't some nonsensical crap for gullible people.  As explained here, your thoughts literally change your brain.  The aim of this isn't to blindly ignore problems - it tackles them at their root.  Changing your self-talk can profoundly change your life.

     The key to reprogramming your brain for success is repetition. The more your brain receives a message, the faster it becomes wired in.  The mind acts on whatever programs it has that are the strongest.  You need to keep feeding your mind the new messages until they become your new automatic thoughts.  As your brain adapts, this will become completely natural.

     With some practice, anyone can change their thoughts to help improve any aspect of their life.  Once you're aware of how your thoughts create your reality, you can finally stop sabotaging yourself.

     Develop the habit of monitoring your thoughts.  Stop programming your brain with your old story, and give your subconscious mind a better set of instructions.  If you want to be successful, think the way a successful person thinks.  If you want to be fit, think like a fit person.  Think in ways that a person who reaches your goals would think, and that's who you'll become.

     As I suggested in my previous post, to learn more about how our minds get programmed, and how we can change our self-talk to help us reach our goals, read What to Say When You Talk to Yourself.  If you'd prefer a very short read - just 90 pages of rather large text - read Self-Talk for Self-Esteem.  (As an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases.) It has an emphasis on the way self-talk affects our self-esteem, but it's a great quick introduction to programmed beliefs in general and how we can change our thoughts.

     For more on the specific language you can use to get the most out of your self-talk, check out this post: Self-Talk to Build Your Best Life: 9 Tips.

Suggested:  Mindset for Success (13 Beliefs/Thought Patterns),

The Science Behind How Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

You've Been Programmed: How Your Beliefs Have Created Your Reality

     From the moment you were born, you've been programmed to end up where you are today.  Here's how it happened:

     When you came into this world, your brain started receiving messages from your family, your community, and everything around you.  The messages you heard multiple times became wired in.*  This is what formed your core beliefs about yourself, your abilities, your limits, and the world.  Those beliefs began a chain reaction that has caused your life to look the way it does today.

     Ultimately, your beliefs have influenced every choice you've ever made.  (A person who's heard from a young age that the key to a good life is to go to college and get a corporate job will probably do just that.  Somebody who's always been told that college is only for wealthier families probably won't try to save for it or look into financial assistance.  A person who believes they can make friends easily will talk to a lot of people, and somebody who believes they're unlikeable won't make as much of an effort to connect with others.  Someone who believes they're lazy will act lazy, and someone who believes they're a hard worker will work hard.)  Your thoughts are the cause of every effect in your life.

     Your actions have gotten you results that have further reinforced what you believe.  (The person who believes they're unlikeable who rarely reaches out to people, doesn't make or keep many friends, supporting their belief that people don't enjoy being around them.  The hard worker successfully completes a difficult project, strengthening their belief that they can and should work hard.)  It's also likely that you've attracted like-minded people who have reaffirmed your beliefs.

     When introduced to new ideas, you've been more inclined to accept them if they support what you already believe.  The brain ties new information to what it already knows, and tells you how to feel about it accordingly. Your whole life, you've viewed the world through a filter of your programmed beliefs.

       When something is wired into your brain, your mind goes to work for you to prove it to be true.* (If you believe you're a winner, your brain will come up with a list of things you've done right that prove why, and if you believe you're a loser, you'll come up with a list of things you've done wrong.  If you believe something can be done, you'll learn how to do it, and if you believe it can't, you'll come up with a list of obstacles in your way.) The brain comes up with evidence to support its beliefs, and fixates on it so that it overshadows anything else.

     Basically, the subconscious mind wants to be right.  It will do what it can to make its beliefs a reality.  The stronger your beliefs are, the more you'll be moved in that direction.

     Be aware of this:  Not every message you've been programmed with has been 100% true.  It's likely that even people you look up to have unintentionally provided you with inaccurate programming.  Repeated messages get wired into the brain regardless of whether they're true or false. 

     Most of us have been programmed with at least some beliefs that place limits on what we can do, be, or have.  These are called "limiting beliefs," and they can hold you back from getting what you really want out of life. When you believe you can't do or be or have something, you cut yourself off from achieving it.  (If you don't believe wealth is attainable, you won't bother learning how to become wealthy.  If you don't believe you can be a successful author, you won't publish and promote your books.)

     Take a close look at any area of your life that you aren't completely happy with.  Chances are the problem can be traced back to your beliefs.  Your success or failure at anything is directly tied to your beliefs about it.  People who live lives we admire usually have either been programmed that way, or have learned to change the way their minds are wired.

     The reinforcement of your beliefs is a cycle that continues indefinitely unless your brain is reprogrammed with new messages.  You're unlikely to break the cycle if you don't make it a point to change the way you think.

     The good news is, once you become aware of your limiting beliefs, you can start to change them.  You can reprogram your mind to improve any area of your life.  Imagine the person you'd be if your brain was wired in your favor.  The key to achieving this is to change your thoughts.  I'll explain how to do that in my next post.

     To learn more about how you've been programmed, and how you can change it (and change your life), I recommend reading What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter, PhD. (As an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)

     For a quick read check out his book Self-Talk for Self-Esteem.  There's an emphasis on the way our self-talk affects our self-esteem, but this book is a great introduction to our programmed beliefs and how to change our self-talk, and only takes about an hour to read.

* See a quick explanation of the science behind this here.

Suggested: Rewire Your Mind:  How to Change Your Thoughts (and Improve Your Life)

The Science Behind How Your Thoughts Create Your Reality

 

     BOBL will be talking a lot about how our thoughts create our realities.  Here's a quick introduction to some functions of the brain that help explain this:

     Neuroplasticity:  This is the brain's ability to rewire itself in response to what it experiences.  Our thoughts and our actions stimulate specific neural pathways in the brain.  When those actions and thoughts are repeated, the associated neural pathways grow, and their function improves.  This is a reason we get better at things with practice.
     Neuroplasticity helps to explain how your mindset shapes your reality:  Your thoughts literally change your brain.

     The Reticular Activating System (RAS):  The RAS is a network of nerves in the brainstem that serves a few functions.  One thing it does is control our ability to focus.  It would be impossible and unnecessary for us to give attention to every single sight or sound streaming into our brains at any given time.  The RAS filters out the vast majority of outside stimuli.  It stops us from processing every little thing around us, so we can focus on what's most important.
     Your thoughts tell your RAS what's important and what isn't.
The RAS decides what to let in and what to filter out accordingly.
     Here's a commonly used example of the RAS in action:  When you're shopping for a new car and decide on a model you want, you start to notice that model on the road left and right.  There aren't more of them out there than there were before, you've just told your RAS to start noticing them.
     In this way, your thoughts determine what you experience. It's one of the reasons things like self-talk, affirmations, and visualization actually work.  It's why "what you focus on expands." If you have your mind set on an important goal, your RAS will help you become aware of opportunities, information and resources to help you achieve it.

     This is only a small portion of the science behind all of this.  We'll discuss much more in future posts.

Suggested: Rewire Your Mind:  How to Change Your Thoughts (and Improve Your Life),
You've Been Programmed: How Your Beliefs Have Created Your Reality

Your Thoughts Create

     Take note of what you think about throughout your day.  Not just when you're "feeling motivated," but your DOMINANT thoughts.

     You might catch yourself repeatedly thinking of how lazy, or unlucky, or broke, or out of shape you are, or of all the reasons you believe you can't do whatever it is you truly desire to do.

     That's what you're welcoming into your life.  Your dominant thoughts have led you to where you are, and will take you wherever you go.

     Your thoughts can take you to success or to failure, to happiness or to sadness, to mediocrity or to the life of your dreams.  It starts with taking charge of your mindset.  Try to keep in mind that your thoughts create your reality.

Suggested:  The Science Behind How Your Thoughts Create Your Reality,

Mindset for Success (13 Beliefs/Thought Patterns)

"This Is How It Has To Be."

     "It wouldn't work."

     "I'm not good enough."
     "I could never afford that."
     "I can't..." etc.

     If these are the things you keep telling yourself, YOU'RE MAKING THEM TRUE. 

     You simply won't take the steps to achieve something if you don't believe it's possible in the first place.  This just might be the only thing stopping you from getting what you truly want out of life.

     You get what you look for.

     Your subconscious mind doesn't argue with you.  Whether you tell it something good or bad, true or untrue, it goes to work for you to find confirmation of what you already believe.  (The best part, for a major skeptic like myself, is that there is SCIENCE behind this!)

     If you're looking for reasons you can't do something, you'll find them - there are flaws in everything, and there will always be obstacles.  Anyone can easily find an excuse.  That's what most people do.  If you focus on what's possible for you instead, you'll find opportunities.  That's what successful people do.

Suggested:  You've Been Programmed: How Your Beliefs Have Created Your Reality,

Rewire Your Mind:  How to Change Your Thoughts (and Improve Your Life),

Mindset for Success (13 Beliefs/Thought Patterns)

Mindset for Success (13 Beliefs/Thought Patterns)

     I did some research to learn what it is that makes some people highly successful while others are not.  The good news is that it's usually not through "luck" or natural born talent that people find success.

     The main thing that nearly all successful people have in common - that influences everything they do and every choice they make - is that they have the right mindset.

     Here are 13 beliefs/thought patterns that are common among  people who build their best lives.  (Note that these apply to the vast majority of successful people, but not every single case.)  I will post about all of these things in more detail in the future.

1.   Successful people have a clear vision in mind.  Some people don't end up living their best lives simply because they haven't decided exactly what they want.

     Successful people know how they want to feel and what will make them feel that way.  They decide what their most fulfilling future would look like and they visualize it often.

2.   Successful people dream big.  They aim for the best instead of settling for the good.  Average people tend to cut themselves off from reaching their dreams by believing "big" things are not possible for them.  Successful people know it's not through luck that people find great success but through hard work, dedication, and the right mindset.

3.   Successful people have faith in themselves.  They believe they can be, do, or have anything.  This mindset is what drives them to take steps toward their success that they never would have taken without it.

4.   Successful people operate out of a growth mindset.  They know that their skills can be developed to help them reach their goals, and they are committed to self-improvement.  Successful people are eager to learn.  They seek out advice from experts by reading books, taking coures, attending seminars or workshops, and/or hiring coaches.

5.   Successful people are future-oriented.  They think long term.  They start with the end in mind and always have their eyes on the prize.

     Because of this mindset, it is easy for them to pass up on fulfilling their short-term desires if it will lead to greater happiness in the long run.  Average people often put their day-to-day wants over their long-term goals instead.

6.   Successful people are conscious of how their thoughts create their reality.  They know that their inner world determines their outer world, so they take control of their thoughts and their programmed beliefs.  They are mindful of whether their thoughts are helping them or hurting them.  They learn to reframe negative thoughts into constructive ones.

     Successful people are aware of the power of their subconscious minds.  Therefore, they are very careful about the inner conversations they have with themselves.  They know that when the subconscious mind "hears" something, it goes to work to help make it true - whether it's good or bad.  They make it a point to avoid thoughts that don't align with their goals.

7.   Successful people have personal accountability.  They don't make excuses.  They know they've created their current circumstances.  While many people look to blame others for things they aren't happy with, successful people often like to take 100% responsibility.  They ask themselves what they could have done differently so they know what they can do better in the future.  They don't see themselves as victims.  This mentality leads to more satisfaction and happiness because it gives them a sense of control.

8.   Successful people are self-aware.  They know their true selves - what they love, what they dislike, their values, their strengths, and their weaknesses.  They stay true to their most authentic selves with every choice they make.  Successful people know that they are on their own unique journey that is not meant for anyone else to understand.  They are not concerned with the opinions or expectations of others.

9.   Successful people stay positive.  They focus on the good instead of the bad, what they have instead of what they lack, and what they can do instead of what they can't.  They know that unnecessary, unproductive worry drains energy that could have instead been put toward something they are passionate about.  They find something positive in nearly everything they experience, and they don't dwell on the negatives.

10.   Successful people are grateful for all they have and all they experience.  They are thankful for every person, every thing, and every opportunity that has ever brought them joy or helped them in any way.  This includes having gratitude for events or circumstances that have been less-than-desireable, but have taught valuable lessons or contributed to personal growth.  This mindset provides a boost in mood that helps propel them toward success.  Successful people are also grateful in advance for everything that they know is coming their way.

11.   Successful people are mindful of how valuable their time is.  It is important to them that they make every moment count.  They minimize time spent on meaningless activities so they can have more time to spend on their passions.  They are very conscious of how limited time is so they feel a sense of urgency to make the most out of their lives.

12.   Successful people are mentally tough.  They don't let obstacles deter them from achieving their goals.  While average people tend to view problems as roadblocks, successful people accept that obstacles are a normal part of the process that they will push through.  They focus on finding logical solutions to issues without getting caught up in the emotional aspects.  Overcoming obstacles makes them stronger and prepares them to conquer more in the future.

     Successful people don't let fear stand in their way.  They recognize that fear is just an emotion they will feel at some points throughout their journey and they will move through it.  This gets a bit easier every time they take action in the face of fear.

     Successful people don't let the fear of failure stop them from trying new things.  They know that they must risk failure in order to succeed.  If they fail, they don't quit - they try different things until they figure out what works.  Failure provides valuable feedback.  Successful people view failures and mistakes as learning opportunities.

13.   Successful people believe in doing what's right.  They like to pay it forward.  They operate out of abundance-based mentalities - believing there is more than enough out there for everyone - so they are not concerned with getting anything in return.

     Many successful people were raised to have more limited mindsets and had to learn how to shift their thinking in order to succeed.  They empathize with the fear-based or scarcity-based mindsets that many people operate from and they want to help and/or inspire those people.  Successful people often have a desire to have a positive impact on those around them.


     As stated earlier,  a person's mindset influences every choice they make.  It is a series of choices that determines what they experience in the future.  See my next post for more on the choices that successful people make.

Suggested:  Finding Your Passion,

Rewire Your Mind:  How to Change Your Thoughts (and Improve Your Life),

The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz: Review & 10 Quotes